Food Review: Cote d'Ivoire

Well, what better way to talk about a place I love, than to use food as a reference parameter!
I will be itilizing my regular framework while trying to sum up about what added 13 kilograms to my body weight: The Drinkie, Brunchie (new addition to the framework), Snackie, Mealie and the Dessertie.
Also, given that I spent 18 months in Cote d'Ivoire, I would like to do justice to every kilogram I tediously put on and would hence be talking about each stage in details and hence in individual posts.

Drinkie (Cheers!)

One simple word.
Heaven.

Why?

Liquor of all sorts can be found easily available in supermarkets and general stores!
And if that is not enough, drinking and driving is not a crime.
Drinking while driving is also not illegal...
See! Heaven's the right word....

Beer.
Of the local beers available in the Ivory Coast, the ones worth mentioning are Flag and Castel (the spelling is not wrong). Any die hard Kingfisher fan will not mind settling for one of these in exchange.
Recommendation: If drinking one of these, ask for a Pression (French for Pressure; and indicating a Draught Beer).
Of the imported Beer Corona ruled the roost (within the city atleast). A few others like Becks, Desperados (Beer mixed with Tequila) and Guiness are extremely popular.
The Indian restaurants stock Cobra and Kingfisher for the Indian who wont budge.

Lifestyle Tip: Drive from Abidjan to Assinie on the weekends (after 2pm prefferably). Use a 4x4 SUV. Do not drive below 100 kmph. Ensure you have a like minded friend with you. Carry (atleast) 3 pints of Corona per person, for the drive. Load your CD player with Audioslave, Staind, Metallica, Nirvana and the likes...

Wine.
An erstwhile French colony (with ties that have not been severed), Cote d'Ivoire is the ideal place for any wino to fulfill his fetish for almost any variant of the formented grape juice. No matter what your budget is, you can find a wine to match it (Red, White or Rose).
My personal recommendation:
Muton Cadet Reserve (By Baron Rothschild); Margaux; St. Emillion; Cabernet Sauvignon; Pomerol among the Reds (anything from 2004/05 to render them affordable).
Sancerre for the White Enthusiasts.
Rose Wine...Chee!
Sauvignon for Chilean winos.
Sirrah/Shiraz for Aussie mates.
Californian wine??? Wine???

Lifestyle Tip: Drive from Abidjan to Assinie at night! SSSShhhhh. Carry two bottles of red wine atleast. One for the way. One for the beach. Lets hope you make it back from that scene buddy!

Vietnamese Wine
Had to mention this one. Visit any Vietnamese restaurant and you will surely see large glass flasks. Those with weak hearts should look away immediately.
Those with a twisted sense of life should go in for a closer look...
You will find the flask full of snakes, lizzards, scorpions, newts, toads and some red fernlike plants immersed in a transparent liquid!
These creatures are apparently caught alive and kept sealed in these flasks for years at end. Their dead and decaying remains (along with the toxicity they are famous for) ferments the liquid and renders it with magically potent aphrodisiac like properties.
This is drunk in traditional China cups which have a peculiarity in their design. As you drink, the falling meniscus uncovers the portrait of a voluptuous lady (who happens to be stark naked) on the inner wall of the cup! Pornographically potent!

Lifestyle Tip: Click snaps. Peer into the jar. Fulfill your curiosity by tapping the walls. Dont bother trying to drink it buddy. Vommit isnt fun!

Coffee
I am not a tea guy, so I wont bother talking about Tea. Coffee however deserves a special mention since it's so close to my heart.
Coffee in the Ivory Coast? Bad Idea at first!
Almost anywhere, the cafe au lait will leave you dissappointed!
Italian Capsule Coffees however can be very interesting shots to take. Available in a variety of flavours and strong enough to keep you awake all night, these are typically drunk in small cups and without milk. One does however have to acquire a taste for these babies. Mint candy would really come handy once you are done dunking a couple of these shots!
There was a cafeteria called "Beantown" which opened with the promise of Cold Frappes in a variety of flavours. It shut down almost as quickly as it opened!

Recommendation: Turkish Coffee. Available in the Turkish Cafeteria in Pleateau, this baby will soothe your throat

Pubs
"What is a city without its pubs?" - Samir Kapur :P

Of the million Night Clubs/Pubs and Bars in Abidjan, each with its own speciality and catering to a loyal clientele set, here follows a round up of my personal favourites...

Havana Cafe
Definitely the best pub in Abidjan, I have never had enough of this place. The place is actually a sports bar in the guise of a rustic Hawaiin Shack.
There are two Harleys (in perfect working condition) that you walk by as you enter the pub. These ladies make you feel like you want to get drunk enough to pretend you can ride them :P
Other attractions are the surf boards across the cieling and the life size motorised water scooter by the far side.
A projector beams sporting events from around the world onto the wall of the pub - Football, Rugby, Tennis, F1, Snooker and Cricket (at times when we have managed to convince the owner of its importance!).
People in here are always in a good mood. The music is always right (even when they belt out Ivorian tracks!).
The waitresses here are on the lines of those you find in Hooters (Knock Knock!)
On Saturdays, a local Ivorian band creates a riot. The lead singer (who sings in Both English and French) can also manage to pull of an awesome rendtition of Knocking on Heaven's Door with a Reggae twist when he's in form. Pay him a small amount of money and catch him dance like the craziest thing you've ever seen!
The place boasts a variety of Cuban Cocktails apart from your everyday stuff and the experimental drinker can have a ball here.

Recommendation:
Le Giraffe (2.5 litres of Chilled Draught Beer which comes in a long glass tower with a tap at the bottom). Be a man... Bend low onto the floor and Chug!!
Mojito - the real deal and unlike anywhere else - take my word for it.
For the foodies - Calamers (Squid. Gross but worth a try), Beignets de Accra (fritters made of fish and egg) and the Chilli Con Carne (Good Old Beef Chilli).

Lifestyle Tip: Get to the pool table early. You will eventually get challenged for ownership rights to the table by either the Aissie Gang or the Lebanese Gang (winner plays on). Accept the challenge. Lose gracefully. Smile the Indian way. Dunk your beer! Challenge them again just to get another game ;)

Experience of a lifetime: Convince the owner (An old Frenchman, Hell's Angel Club Member - long dirty hair, tattoos, ripped muscles, dirty sweaty stinky persona et all) to show off his Harleys. There was this one time he rode it into the pub and started revving the engine up full blast. He drowned the music out and covered the pub with sweet Harley Smoke. Nothing can get better than that after you are five beers down!

Desperation to get there but cant due to exhorbitant tickets, a very long flight and the painful yellow fever vaccination?
Try Totos in Mumbai (about half as good as Havana) and Buzz in Gurgaon (about 33% as good as Havana). In fact, I have never come across a pub which comes closer than these two everr can to Havana Cafe!
Mr. French Owner, you owe me free drinks for all this promotion I am doing!

Che Cafe
Chic, classy and very French, this place is famous for its Karaoke nights (French only). Here, you can rule over the pool table since you're probably the only one who is interested in playing pool at an expensive place like it!

Recommended: Le Margherita - Simply scintillating!

La Prive
Strictly for dancers only, a non dancer like me has always found this place to be a waste! Amazing ambience however, great laser lights, superb decor, a well stocked pub and always choc-a-block full, this is the place to be on Friday Nights!
With great dance music playing aloud, the who's who from Abidjan's social circle hang around here.

Recommended: Eye Candy. Also, too much of candy can be injurious to health!

The Piano Bar - Cafe de Rome

Located below the Casino at Cafe de Rome, this bar/pub boasts a great Band. With Ivorian Lead singers and a South East Asian Guitarist (Who puts Santana to shame with his version of Black Magic Woman), the place is ideal for big losers (at the casino :p) to come and relax!

Recommended: Le Margherita. The Chocolate Mousse (Freaking Awesome!)

My learning from this post: Two Beers and you've got rid of your Creative Block!